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Self Control

(Guest Speaker: Scott Carson)

Today I am bringing my fourth message in the series I started a few months ago on the fruit of the Spirit. Having looked at Patience, Kindness and Faithfulness, we now turn our attention to Self-Control. Now self-control is all about will power, right? And most of the bad habits that we have in life need to be broken by will power. And since January is the month for making New Year’s resolutions, and since it’s still January for half a day I thought I would begin by sharing with you what I will call this year’s funniest New Year’s resolutions.

I resolve to never show up drunk again at a custody hearing.

I resolve to never spend another minute reliving the past; instead I will focus on worrying about the future.

I resolve to work with neglected children, starting with my own.

I resolve to stop sending email, instant messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I resolve to give up chocolates totally…. Completely,…. Honestly.

I resolve to read the manual… Just as soon as I can find it.

When I hear a funny joke, I resolve to NOT say, “LoL, LoL!”

I resolve to never again try to defuse an explosive device with a practical joker.

I resolve to play more video games. Research has proven it will improve hand-eye coordination.

I resolve to spend less money on useless stuff like the DVD re-winder I bought for last Christmas.

I resolve never to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I resolve always to wear clean underwear every day, “just in case”.

Galatians 5:22 has been our jumping off point for this series, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

We are looking at the fruit of the Spirit as one of the Bible’s great descriptions of mature Christian character. When we define what we want our life to be like, being like Jesus, these nine qualities are what we are after.

I think we all know pretty well what we mean when we talk about self-control. We think of someone who doesn’t have violent and unpredictable mood swings. We think of someone who has the will to resist temptation where many would give in. We also think of someone who can persevere in a very hard and unpleasant task because he knows it’s the right thing to do. Some synonyms might be: disciplined, level-headed, determined, purposeful or showing restraint. Looking at the opposite can also be instructive. Someone who lacks self-control will be wild, indulgent, free-spirited, spontaneous, sporadic, or instinctive.

The Apostle Paul mentions self control frequently in his epistles. In his first letter to the Thessalonians he wrote this, in chapter 5 just after describing the end times and the Day of the Lord, “But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.”

Is self-control only for those whose personalities are already bent in that direction or for those who have had the benefit of living through the consequences of all those rash and wild actions in their youth? Paul devotes a whole chapter in his letter to Titus showing us that everyone is to aspire to self-control.

Titus 2:1-8 says, “You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”

So older man or young, older woman or younger we all need to work on our self-control. Note the positive benefit in verse 5 and again in verse 8 that when we exercise self control the world will notice. And noticing our godly character the world will be ashamed when they have nothing bad to say about us. On the contrary, how does the world treat men and women who claim to speak for God but are NOT disciplined to resist temptation and who give into sin? The press has a literal hay-day.

Paul goes on in verse 11 to identify the source of self-control. “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ…”

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul elaborates on this grace and it’s relation to our ability to resist temptation:

1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

It’s universally clear that we all face temptation and it’s also clear that God expects us to be obedient to His standard. However, it’s comforting and reassuring that He knows exactly what we are made of and how much we can handle. It’s also comforting to know that He also provides the way of escape so that we can remain pure. Often the trouble is that we really DO want to sin and indulge our flesh, so we easily miss the way of escape for not trying to look for it. But if we truly want to stand in obedience, all we need really do is look for the escape and we will find it.

The funny thing about destructive habits or addictions is that we often think that we can at any moment of our choice give it up. Take any habit, gambling, alcohol abuse, drugs, gluttony or pornography…or even some less destructive habits like staying up half the night and then sleeping in half the day, or watching endless football on TV all weekend. Are you one of the types who say, “I can stop that habit anytime I want to.”? The only way you can really know for sure is to simply try to stop it. Then you will know how much mastery that habit really has over you. Take me for instance. Some would say that I am addicted to Diet Coke. Just because I call it the “nectar of life” you might be tempted to think that I cannot go without it. I stopped drinking for a day last year, when I was in Senegal. I did just fine. Except for that splitting headache I got around the middle of the afternoon.

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:12, “Everything is permissible for me – but I will not be mastered by anything.” And again in 9:27, “No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

If something, be it destructive or harmless, has mastery over us then we are a slave to it. How many of us could do without TV if it were somehow immediately unavailable starting now? Or how about the internet? Facebook? Your Ipod? Christian music? Paul was resolved to not let anything master him, even things that were ‘permissible’. Are we ready to beat our bodies and make it our slave instead of the other way around? If you suspect something has mastery over you, make it your resolution today to test it. Try and give it up. That’s your challenge for the day.

Let’s talk for a few minutes about a really sensitive topic. You might just squirm a bit for the next few moments, but we need to deal with the issue of sexual sin and the temptation to lust. The word the New Testament uses in this regard is “porneia”, the Greek root for our English word pornography. In the KJV, it is rendered fornication. In the NIV it is most often translated sexual immorality. Now our society has a propensity for sexual immorality, don’t you think? How many times in the course of an evening in front of the TV are we sold things with a sexual message? Let’s face it, pretty girls with beautiful bodies can sell things that we wouldn’t otherwise ever consider a need in our lives. Sexual images are used to sell everything from yogurt to razors, perfume to blue jeans. Our culture tells us, that sexuality is THE core of our human experience. Now, I would be the first to admit that God made us sexual beings. And he delights when we find sexual fulfillment within the God-given boundarys of a committed marriage. But we are not first and foremost sexual. It is an important aspect of our lives, but it is only one part.

Now God says in his word that husbands and wives are to fulfill their marital duty to each other. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” So we as married persons are to always be seeking to serve our spouse in this area for their fulfillment, but also to diminish the temptation to be seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

The world tells us that we deserve to have all our sexual desires and needs met. It says we have a right to be sexually fulfilled. And if our spouse is not meeting those expectations or we are not married yet we should feel free to get them met somewhere else. That somewhere else is where believers get into trouble. Whether it be romance novels or internet pornography, racy TV shows or flirtatious behavior with a co-worker. Or maybe it’s an outright romantic attachment or adulterous relationship with someone other than your husband or wife. The bottom line is this: if it is not with your spouse, it is sexual immorality. If you are looking, touching, or engaging in any sexual way with someone whom you are not married to, it is a violation of God’s law. The old saying, “it’s okay to look” just doesn’t cut it with God.

We are commanded to control our bodies and we must control them, without excuse. While a spouse may be wrong for not keeping their end of the marriage covenant, I am not justified in committing sexual immorality because of another’s error. Both are wrong and we must choose to do what is right.

Men, I am going to speak to you for a moment. In a group this size, statistics and studies have shown that there are likely a significant number of us who are indulging regularly in internet pornography. It’s really way too easy to find it. The internet that brings us great Biblical resources, preaching and God-honoring teaching will also bring us most any kind of sexual stimulus that we want. Even news websites like FoxNews.com have features that will immediately put very beautiful scantily clad women in front of our eyes at the simple click of a mouse button. It used to be you had to visit an adult bookstore in the dead of night to obtain the sexual material you want. The internet has made it simple and easy. Now we know that this does not honor God nor does it honor our wives or future wives. If you’re trapped in this sin, I beg you to get help from another brother you are close to. It is a very rare man indeed who has the will power and resolve to remain pure in this area without the helpful accountability of his brothers. The first step is into the light. And admitting we have a problem with pornography is the hardest, most shameful thing we can ever do. But godly shame brings repentance and restoration. And that’s a whole lot better than the nagging guilt we feel every time we go there. We really do need each other to be the self-controlled, pure men we know God wants us to be.

Bear with me for just one more moment on the topic of immorality. And this is the point where I might get myself in trouble with some of you. We know that those in the world are told at every turn that they should dress to be noticed, that if we have the stuff that will turn heads then we should make the most of it. Today’s fashions are very effective at helping us advertise everything we may want to advertise. So let me speak to my sisters here this morning. And I speak to you as a group, not intending to single anyone in particular out, here. Please consider me, your brother, when you make your clothing selections. I am going to be very honest with you and admit that sometimes your excessive cleavage presents me with a self-control challenge. Your tight jeans and tops that reveal your every curve sometimes leave too little to the imagination. And the length of a skirt or pair of shorts can often times make me struggle with my thought life. know that you, my sisters, would never purposefully dress to cause me or my fellow brothers to be tempted to lust. But it can happen, and has happened, when the choices you make are not done with us in mind. So please be thoughtful about this area. The same principle applies in how we dress out there in the world as well as here in the church. Now, please don’t over-react and come to church next week in a burqa. Let’s focus on packaging ourselves to be pleasant to look at, and not to draw sexual attention that is not honoring to God and serving us, your brothers.

Now, I understand that my thought life is my own responsibility. No one else has ultimate control over what I think and I accept that responsibility for my own thoughts, and so should each of us. So let’s turn our attention now to self-control and it’s source.

The battle for self-control really begins in the mind. As go our thoughts so will go our actions. The Apostle Peter recognized this. In his first epistle he makes the connection between our minds and our ability to control self.

1 Peter 1:13-16 says, “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

1 Peter 4:7 says, “The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

So how do we prepare our minds for action? The first step is training our minds in what is right and what is wrong, and being able to recognize temptation for what it is. There is no better way to do this than to spend significant time in God’s Word, meditating on the truths that we see there and asking God to make them real to us. In Acts 20:32 Paul was speaking to the elders at Ephesus when he said, “Now I commit you to God and to the word of His grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are being sanctified.” God’s Word has the power to build into us a Biblical world view and a trained discerning conscience.

Second, Paul gives us the action plan for right thinking that leads to resisting temptation in Philippians 4:8, “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” If we are filling our minds with the right and godly thoughts that He wants for us there will be little or no room for temptation to take root and lead us into sin. Now, here is the place to make a case for godly Christian praise music. For many believers, having a backdrop of music during the day that will subtly bring our focus back to God, His character and His ways can help us keep our thoughts where they belong.

I took this verse to heart the spring of my junior year back at Penn State. In order to keep my thoughts where they ought to be while walking back and forth to classes, encountering many college co-eds that were dressed to challenge my thought life, I decided I would memorize the book of Philippians. So I wrote out all of Philippians a chapter at a time on index cards. And as I walked I would work on memorizing the verses. I succeeded in memorizing all four chapters that spring and to this day it is one of my favorite Bible books. But more important than that, I was able to honor God with my thought life and prevent many thought battles that might have ended in disobedience, guilt and defeat.

And finally when those wicked thoughts do come, and they will come, we need to heed 2 Corinthians 10:5 and take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Ask God to give you a Biblically trained, razor sharp conscience that will warn you in an instant if you are at risk of straying. And when the conscience convicts, be quick to recognize it and throw up the Scriptural defenses.

Now how does this work? How do we really take thoughts captive? Let’s say for example that you have a job where you deal with a steady stream of customers during your day. And one day (maybe this happens every day, who knows?) you get a customer that really has a burr in their saddle and they just unload their anger and frustration on you, when really you personally have done nothing to deserve such anger. What do you do? The natural response would be to become indignant or self-defensive and maybe get angry right back at them. But you remember Scott’s message from last Sunday and you decide you want to take that thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. So instead you try to consider for a moment why this person would be attacking you so. You give this customer the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he or she has just been going through some very stressful time in their life. Then you remember a time in your own life where you’ve had the same kind of feelings, and all of a sudden you begin to feel a sense of compassion for this person, just as Jesus would. That will help you deal with this person in a way that honors Him and helps you stay under control.

How about a different example for the men? Say it’s spring again, like back at Penn State. I know that’s hard to imagine on a day like today, but in your minds think ahead to spring. And you are out and about in the marketplace and you notice that the young women you see have shed their winter coats and are now wearing tight tank tops and short shorts. Let’s face it, when a young woman dresses to get noticed, we men are going to notice. Your natural response is going to be, “Wow, look at that!” But your razor sharp Biblically trained conscience is going to say, “uh, uh, uh”. Now how do you take your thoughts captive? You don’t have a copy of the book of Philippians in your pocket. Well, one way that’s effective for me is find somewhere else to look. What if that’s not possible? The next best thing is to train your eyes on her face. That tends to make us look at this woman as a person, instead of an object to potentially lust over. What next? You ask the question in your mind, “I wonder if this woman knows Jesus?” Then you say a quick prayer for her that somehow, someday she would be able to respond to the gospel. Now you’ve become her advocate before the Father. You’ve turned completely around from temptation to lust over her to serving this woman’s eternal need before the God of heaven. That’s a captivating thought life!

You know, I’ve been making light of the cookie thing. But seriously folks, gluttony and our inability to control how we eat has really become one sin in our country that seems to be acceptable. nd the really tragic part of it is that it’s causing such widespread consequences. The number one and number seven causes of death in the U.S. are heart disease and diabetes. Both of these are directly tied to what we eat and how much of it. Americans spend over 5 billion dollars on ice cream every year. There are 39 countries in the world whose gross domestic product is less than 5 billion dollars. That’s a lot of fat calories. I have to admit that I too struggle with self control in this area. My kids and my wife all put me to shame in how well they can say no to over-eating when I am more than happy to oblige. Have another slice of pie? Sure! I don’t want it to go to waste! And so goes the rationalization. So this is an area that I give you permission to help keep me accountable.

Let me close with this: God has made us in His image with a free will. That was a dangerous move on his part, because it means that we as His creatures could choose to walk away from Him. But on the flip side, we have the opportunity to choose to follow Him. The amazing thing about free will is that we always have a choice. You might say, “Well that’s not quite true. What if someone puts a gun to your head and demands that you renounce Christ? Aren’t they really forcing you to do something you really don’t want to do?” Well, not really. You see, even with a gun to my head I can still exercise my free will. My choice at that moment is a) renounce Christ and hope this guy lets me live because I love my life more than Christ, or b) choose to remain faithful to Christ even though every indication is that I might die for doing so. You see, that I still have my options and my choice, even under duress.

So it is with exercising self-control in everyday situations. Life is just full of choices, some important and some trivial. When we exercise our will to choose to follow God and put Him first, we will truly be walking in the fruit of the Spirit of Self-control. I hope and pray that that is your desire here this afternoon.